Why is it when we think of trying something new and challenging some of us are in their element, while for others, its just too scary to even concider trying? Is it the thought of failing that stops us from trying in the first place? Perhaps its the thought of what others may think that makes us hesitate. All I know is I have been a play it safe dont take giant leaps outside of your comfort zone kind of gal all my life.
I see some people and look on with a mixture of envy and excitement for them when I see them reach for their dreams, stepping out of their comfort zone, laughing and saying well I learnt not to do it that way again when they messed up. Funny enough I dont see it as failure when they dont get it right the first time, yet the thought of myself trying something new and not being good at it terrifies me out of my skin. So why am I so encouraging to everyone else and not myself! Why is it I expect myself to be perfect at anything I try when I know its not possible to be so?
The past few years I have been thinking about where I want my life to head and every single direction means stepping out of my little zone and widening it. Every time I think yes I am going to do it, that negative little voice in my head says you cant do it. You wont be good enough at it. Its only been recently that I have come to realize my whole life has been about learning something new and widening my zone and so far I am still here to say well so far so good. Sometimes I messed up and it may not of been pleasant but hey I am still here. Every one didnt run from the building screaming oh no she's here run for your lives!
When I started up my Rantings blog, that was the real beginning of widening my comfort zone. I barely slept the night I set it up. I was so scared people would look at my silly little rantings and thoughts and think wow, what a weird completely uneducated woman. To start off I was so careful with what I said in case I offended anyone, even though I had decided to make it about me and my feelings with no apologies. with in a few weeks I realized no one had started yelling at me yet to stop boring them and I gained confidence in myself. (I may still bore people, but I no longer take ownership of that, that is their problem not mine).
Yesterday I got serious in operation break out of my safety zone and decided to head towards a goal that will mean working from home and earning money where ever I happen to be living all without putting too much of a strain on my body. Today I actually picked up my courage, phoned and booked a seat in a course to set the ball in motion. Its the first bit of study I have done since I left school after graduating year 10, 25 years ago so that in its self is daunting. I am waiting on the email to come so I can go down and pay for it before I lose that courage.
In some ways its liberating taking that step. it doesnt seem much to some, but for me fear was a huge barrier stopping me from heading in a direction that I actually wanted to head in in my teens, but lacked the self confidence in myself to try even back then. Now days I have to stop and remember how far I have already come and how much I have already learned.
I had family tell me when pregnant that I would be a hopeless mum because I am not maternal enough. I think my sons are living proof that that wasnt true. I had people tell me my marriage wouldnt last, coming up 19 years later I think that is self evident that it will. I had Drs tell me that I was a hypochondriac that needed to lose weight, until Finally in surgery 6 massive tumors were pulled out of my belly the size of them had in fact fractured my spine in 2 places, making the surgeeon wonder how I could even walk when he actually saw what was going on. So I think I have shown everyone that I have gumption.
Now I just need to convince myself and not let the few negative nancy's around me bring me back down again. I am full of hope and motivation that I will stay outside of my comfort zone and achieve personal success.
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