Is it bad that both Oscar and I are really happy that for his last day of vacation time he used to spend moving house over this week he has gone to spend the day with an old friend? And do I really care what anyone else thinks of that statement? The simple answer to that these days is no, not even a bit.
Don't get me wrong, we both love each other, but we both value our space too. We have mutual friends but we also have friends that are predominantly either his or mine and I like it that way. We both are very independent creatures who do like our own solitude but in different ways. His idea of a blissful day is to go and sit by the beach, go fishing or have a few beers with mates and talk about men business.. you know, bullshit and crap :-P I on the other hand think a day of bliss is being somewhere there are trees, birds and animals scurrying around or curled up in bed with a book or movie or chatting with friends over a coffee (or wine) about important things in life- you know, renovations/ food/clothes/hair/kids who did what and where.
I see other couples we know that do almost everything together and think isn't that so cute. They are so lucky they get along and are so in tuned with each other that they can do that and think maybe I should just try harder to just do what Oscar likes to do and we would have that great relationship too. Then I start thinking about what makes a great relationship and who says what is a great relationship? Who gets to decide that? Why is it that society seems to think that the only way you can have a great relationship is to do everything together from shopping, spending time with friends or even vacationing? perhaps if more people started doing what was right for themselves and listening to each others needs instead of doing what society says you should be doing as a couple, then perhaps divorces may just go down a little cause lets face it if you ran your marriage like a business and saw that what society says is the right way to run your business has such a high failure rate wouldn't you look at changing the way you are running your business to make it a success? To me my marriage is a bussiness I intend to be a success at and if that means throwing my view of societies handbook out the window, I am tossing it as far out as possible.
I have come to realize for my marriage that its not spending every moment in each others pockets, its not just doing what the other partner wants that makes a great relationship. Its doing what is right for your relationship and individual needs that makes a great relationship.
I have also come to see also Not every relationship thrives by doing everything together to have that close and loving relationship? I found the more I tried to conform to my view of what society deemed to be the perfect relationship the more unhappy and stressed I became. The more I tried to spend time with Oscar especially when it was times that I really wanted to just be on my own and listen to the universe, the more I started to resent spending that time together~ does that make sense?~ The more I tried to emulate what I figured society decreed was the the correct way to be a good wife, the more suffocated I started to feel.
I know it used to raise a few eyebrows with many we know. Now they realize its just how we work and to be honest these days my view is now, if they have a problem with it, its not my problem. Oscar and I have never had a stronger relationship since I stopped trying to keep everyone else happy and started doing what kept me happy, because lets be honest here it is true what they say. "Happy Wife, Happy Life."
For today I finally unpacked my computer out of its packing box. fed the ducks, chooks and even put some seed out for the wild birds. got the fire nice and hot. made myself a yummy cuppa and sat in my comfy chair with my computer and happily played away knowing that Oscar is off doing what he really enjoys today too. This afternoon when he gets home, we will have interesting things to tell each other and then really enjoy our time together, after all isn't that really what having a great relationship is all about?
