For me its always very important to find something positive from even a bad experience. Perhaps I learnt a lesson such as to not put too much of my trust into people too quickly. Maybe I found a strength I never knew I had. Its just part of who I am. Everything has to have a positive aspect to it or what was the point of it happening! I mean if everything happens for a reason then what is the reason if its not to give us something valuable in return?
Battling with depression more than half my life has left me sure of a few things. mainly, 1, I am stronger than people give me credit. 2, I am no bodies victim.
Few people know how deep I have fallen over the years. There were days when just getting out of bed was my one and only goal. Some days when I found my self thinking of things I shouldn't be. To be honest some days the only thing that had me finish each day and begin the next was my own competitive nature. To me life was an evil competitor and there was no way I was going to let it win. the stakes were far too high once my kids were born.
These days though I look at life as more of a trusted friend, sure we have our disagreements but then we make up, the sun shines and we gain a deeper understanding of each other. From time to time we compete to win the prize, but the playing field has leveled out a little more and I am learning the skills to get to the next level.
Being nobodies victim is also important to me. There have been times when I have been let down, betrayed and dishonored by people. At the time it was devastating. Then with the healing of time I learnt that not always things are that black and white. In some situations I needed to have that hurt, to learn from it. Weird how I actually dont feel much other that thankfulness to one person in particular for the lessons she taught me. We were always meant to be in each others lives I think for that purpose. Through other people I have learnt the value of always being in control of my own body and where I am. These people no longer have the power to hurt me for many reasons, mainly because I choose not to let them have that power any more.
Biggest lesson I have learnt is I can only control my own direction of my journey. Choices other people make are theirs to make and they have their own journey to be on.
So many lessons I learnt the hard way. Seems thats the way I learn best. Memories put away in files marked Lesson Learnt. Just inside the office named Journey so far. I am very happy to say when you enter there is minimal amount of clutter these days, but search around you will find a bit of rubbish in need of tossing.
I dont see the point in holding on to something painful if I am not going to get something positive out of it. Hense the not being anyone's victim. Betray me once shame on you, betray me twice shame on me. Which leads me right back to I am stronger than some people give me credit =o).
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