I don't know what it was I was thinking would happen. Maybe I half expected to wake up and just have a smile on my dial from now on. Yes I know that's not how anti depressants work,, unless of course your on the ones where everything is just so very groovy =o) I am finding though, the days are easier to manage and I think with everything that has happened over the past few weeks it was a very good thing I went to the Dr the day I did.
I finally got the kids on the rural school bus with the help of my local minister of parliaments aide (thank you Dee, you are a star). After 5 weeks I knew it was time to get the big guns in and it worked like a charm. Well there were a few tears in the mix but after over 4 hours on the phone with various government departments that do not work together, I dare say would reduce the most hardened to tears... or homicide!
Then there was the passing of an amazing young woman with the most beautiful soul I ever had the fortune to know to a disease all women should make it their business to know more about. Hell many Dr's cant even get diagnosis right so we owe it to ourselves to know all there is about the symptoms of Ovarian Cancer, because sadly too many women are diagnosed far too late to do anything.
There have been others that I have known and have lost their battle and I cant really say why this one hit me harder than the others, but it did. Maybe it was because it was on the eve of my own good fortune but I think its mainly because this one truly was an inspiration to me. An angel walking on earth teaching all that knew her how to live and love, how to appreciate the little things and most of all how to make your life count.
But wait there's more. I celebrated 3 years of being cancer free on Paddy's day. These days it seems just fitting that on the day we celebrate all things Irish I celebrate finding my own pot of gold. Up until this year I found myself still very angry at the world on this day. But this year I just chose to find joy to be here still when it was so close to me not being here. It just so happened to work out that Oscar was lucky enough to not have to work after all and we went to a town south of us to do some shopping and look around.
Sometimes I wonder if I have guardian angels on my shoulder or mischievous imps or Leprechauns, perhaps a bit of all 3 seeing I come from a mix of Irish and Scottish Stock. Either way I am both very lucky and unlucky some days and that day I hit jackpot with both as I stepped on that one way road. Almost over half way across the car that had passed us decided he fancied the car park he had just passed and reversed his big 4wd into me. Luckily for me I managed to keep my footing and walked away with just bruising. Unlucky for the guy that walked away after he hit me giving me a filthy look. He now has a date with karma and may she be the bitch she often can be to those deserving.
On the day I kind of sunk into myself. Insulating myself for protection. It truly was one of the more frightening things to ever happen to me, particularly because I had no warning. I didn't see a thing until I had already been hit. In shock and in a lot of pain I just needed to protect myself from reality for a little while. Its not unusual for me to go off radar when things get too much and for all my bubbly enthusiasm and outgoing nature I generally do like my own company for long periods of time.
I did find myself more grateful than ever that I had listened to my gutt that day a few weeks ago and went to see the Dr though. On Saturday, I naturally withdrew immediately into my safe place in my mind, but instead of it lasting for days not even daring to peek out of my cocoon I found myself venturing out of my safe place a little faster.
It's safe to say the anti depressants are definitely helping. In time I am sure I will be more equipped to deal with differing levels of stress. Considering all that has happened in these few weeks though, I think I am doing ok.☺
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